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On reaching out to get that elusive equilibrium much required in life, and enjoying the process…
When you have been at work and working more than 14 hours you feel bad for yourself and also for missing out on your child’s soccer practice. When at home entertaining your friends, you feel guilty having to attend to so many work calls. You fear very soon they will stop accepting invitations to your place. There is rarely a situation when you are in a place- physically and mentally and you are fully ‘Present’ there. Very often, you are physically in a place and try to be in many places at the same time mentally. Apart from the obvious stress caused by these situations, there are a lot of long-lasting effects such behavior patterns can trigger.
I keep hearing people telling me that they want balance in life. The balance that is sought is in reality a WORK-LIFE balance. Work -life balance essentially boils down to being able to fulfill the following wishes:
- I want to work less
- I want to have more family time
- I want more ‘me’ time
- I want to feel complete in all spheres of life.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. This is an expression we hear far too often. We also hear “no pain no gain” as often. So, what is it that we should do so that we are neither Jack the dull boy nor Jill the girl always in pain working too hard? The goal is to not be unhappy, dissatisfied and guilty about not doing justice to either work or life.
Let me tell you something about myself. I work 60 hours to 70 hours a week. 80-hour weeks too are not uncommon to me! People sometimes call me a workaholic and believe me when I say this, I am an unabashed workaholic! In a good sense. I am not trying to avoid something else by spending long hours working.
From that perspective consider this too! After working for 60 to 80 hours, how many people get time to exercise 6 times a week, spend at least 14 hours on personal development, spend weekends with family, take 3 vacations every year, take time off to reflect every time I travel, binge watch television and party a couple of times a week. I DO! Have I had a burn out? Nope! Not once! Do I have fun? Absolutely! Do I have balance? I am 100% sure that I have!
The attempt here my readers, is not to blow my trumpet. It is just to say that IT IS SOMETIMES POSSIBLE TO HAVE THE CAKE AND EAT IT TOO! The point to look out for here is PASSION! I am passionate about my vision. This gives direction to my life. It doesn’t stress me out working 80 hours a week towards my vision of enabling outstanding people, products and services. In fact, sometimes I feel that we should have been given 200 hours a week instead of 168 hours. I wish that not out of desperation, but out of enthusiasm!
On the other hand, I am equally passionate about my role at home. So, I make time for my family. I am there for them and they are for me ungrudgingly and joyously. Same goes with my friends. I spent time with them not as a compulsion, but because I enjoy it. I always have time for them. Rather I find time for them. I realize that all good relationships and friendships need nurturing to flourish exactly like your passion
So, when you start to feel that you are missing the elusive balance there are a few questions you need to ask yourself:
1) Do you have a direction at your work?
2) Do you have a vision, goals and timelines to work towards?
3) Are you doing what you are doing for the right reasons?
And, finally the hardest question to ask yourself:
4) Do you really want to find time for all things in life? or, are you enjoying the false sense of importance that you experience by claiming to be ‘too busy’?
Here are some of the pivotal factors that has helped me find the balance I seek and achieve in my life:
- I do not seek perfection! It is non-existent. Focus on perfection is a mirage which can cause disillusionment. Remember the pareto principle? Focus on getting the 80% right. 20% will take care of itself or can be ignored in most cases.
- I consider health to be wealth. Material wealth is of no use when physical health disintegrates
- I compartmentalize tasks and facets of life so that overlaps don’t happen and each role of life is handled with the importance it deserves.
- I have learnt to disconnect. In the era of social media taking over our lives, ignoring the impulse to over communicate, over share and over engage is important. While responding is crucial, not setting unrealistic expectations around timelines too is integral.
- I take vacations with family and friends. No explanation required there! Vacations are important for your mental and physical well-being and to feel rejuvenated. Period.
- I keep myself above all else and I am not ashamed to say that. Being selfish isn’t all that bad. Focus on your goals and not on being the nice person.
- I set, evaluate periodically and focus with intent on my goals in profession and personal life.
Consider this scenario of seeking balance to be a bit like falling in love! You are filled with passion when you are in love! Right? Your entire focus is on the loved one! You would find time and spend a bulk of that time communicating your passion to the loved one!
Now imagine shifting the focus with the same amount of fervor towards your vision? What if you could become passionate about life and your vision? Your perspective changes completely. You are born anew!
A change in perspective eventually cascades to every aspect of your life. When you are passionate about your vision you automatically become deeply involved and passionate about life in general! This would fuel you to live life king size and be the complete version of yourself.
If you are looking for some help on getting hold of the chimera of balanced life, do write to us at harish@harishrao.world to know how we can help you with it. We would love to work with you on this or any other business coaching needs you may have!