Blog: How to deal with difficult people
“Be thankful for the difficult people in your life, for they have shown you who you do not want to be.” That is one of the truest statements made. However, does the truth in it, by any way indicate that it is easy dealing with such people. Definitely, no!”
Almost every day of our life, even if we do not step out of our houses, we end up having to deal or interact with someone in some manner through some medium whatsoever. Realistically speaking, many of these people would be difficult to deal with as well. How best do we deal with such people? It is important to have a certain conditioning of the mind to be able to deal with it. This is necessary for conflict management in all facets of life. Some of the points to help you in this aspect are:
Have empathy and genuine kindness – Most difficult people are the way they are not intentionally but because of going through various tough situations they had to face or conditions in life. Rather than an accusatory tone, what works best is to have empathy and a few words of kindness towards them. It would help to understand what contributed to their perspective or to what they owe their personalities. Then you would automatically find ways to show compassion.
Let their behavior be theirs, stay uninfluenced – You do not have to reciprocate with bad behavior when someone deals with you that way. How they choose to be is their prerogative and how you choose to behave shows your character. By no means, it is not about being a pushover or letting someone walk roughshod over you. You can be assertive and stand your ground without being difficult or badly behaved.
Control what you can – Very few things, including dealing with difficult people at work is in your hands to control. There are, however, always certain things which are surely in your control. Which are just your attitude and your actions. When outcome is not in your control nor do you have a capacity to change how a person is and how they behave to you, focus on things which can be molded and influenced. That way even when a negotiation or event doesn’t go your way, you would still have the satisfaction that you did you best and stood your ground firmly.
Maintaining calmness and not raising voice – It is exactly at the point when you raise your voice that you lose the argument and lose your upper hand in any conversation or discussion. It is deeply ingrained in the psyche of difficult people to rile others up and bait them to fall prey to anger and argument. When you understand the benefits of staying calm and being that way you retain control and have the ability to lead the conversation your way.
Find some common ground to negotiate from – There is always some common ground that you have with most people. Early into a conversation figuring that out and using that information to gravitate the conversation to the boundaries of that commonality would be a good way to avoid friction and difficulty. Your parents could have been from the same town, you might be using the services of the same lawyer or auditor or you could have a common friend. Any of these could be a useful leverage to keep the interaction cordial.
Never let go of the respectful attitude – Every human being non withstanding your relationship with them or how difficult or annoying they are, deserves basic respect. That is a non-negotiable in any interaction. Your ideal outcome out of any situation is mostly a peaceful one which leans in your favor. Name calling or going aggressive is not going to take you to that goal post.
Ignore their opinion if you know it is wrong – Their opinion of you or your deed doesn’t define you. Do not waste energy defending if it is going to deaf ears. Getting into arguments to prove your being right or righteous is very often not worth it. As the saying goes, people believe what they like to believe. Feeling unduly offended about a wrongful accusation will make you lean towards becoming argumentative.
Do not avoid a difficult person or situation. Deal with it head on – Conflict avoidance is what most of us prefer and one has to find ways to overcome fear of conflict. Avoiding and wishing away a difficult situation is not a very mature or sensible approach. The issue would fester, gain colossal proportions later and end up being a bigger problem for you to handle. Most often things are never as scary as they appear from outside. Avoiding it is not going to make it disappear either. Life is never a smooth journey and it is these moments of friction and trouble that make us understand the value of the good people in life and live in gratitude.
Introspect to see if there is anything you can change about yourself for the better – They say that the reason why we get angry in most situations is because at some level we feel there is some truth in what the other person is accusing us of. It need not be so also. But it only works in our favor to introspect and check whether there is any truth in what a person is accusing us of. Only acceptance of that would help us take the corrective steps. Humility is a grossly underrated virtue when dealing with people and ourselves.
Focus on communicating correctly – Most people are not good at articulating their thoughts correctly. Even good intentions could get lost when it is communicated wrong. What people hear is what is spoken and not what is intended. When you are dealing with tough people, especially the importance of communicating correctly and choosing your words with caution, poise and patience assumes more importance.
There will always be difficult people in this world and we have to deal with them is a given. The only option then is to learn to deal with it in a mature and balanced manner. As the new year approaches, it is always time to sit back and take stock about how you can improve yourself to face the challenges that the year is sure to bring. Improving behavioral skills is one of the practical ways to improve your confidence. If you are looking for some help in preparing yourself or your team through professional development programs, or you want to read through more self-improvement articles, do write to us at harish@harishrao.world to know how we can help you with it. We would love to work with you on this or any other business coaching needs you may have!