Blog: How to create healthy friendships that enriches your life!
In the first and second part of the blog series, we discussed what we could do to find mental alignment in the wheel of life and how to get your lifestyle set right respectively.
In this third blog we would see how best we can manage the most important relationships in your life outside of family. Healthy relationships with friends and colleagues at work can provide life with a lot of enrichment and joy and makes your journey to find the purpose of life smoother.
We might unconsciously trigger off some chain of events which could be detrimental to our peace of mind and mental well-being if introspection in the sphere of relationships is not done and necessary course corrections initiated.
Here is a simple checklist to have, through which you can examine and establish your pattern of behavior and habits in the sphere of relationships.
Meeting friends once a week – Friendships should be treated more like orchids in your garden and not like trees in the forest which gets nourished just with mere sunlight and rain. Your orchid needs regular care and pruning and all the attention it can get. There should be fixed periodic checks to determine its health. Likewise, friendships too need careful nurturing to be in a healthy state.
You need to allocate a certain amount of time every week to meet and catch up with your close friends. There should be an active interest in observing and being part of how their life unfurls. Similarly, your friends provide you a non-judgemental space to find succor and peace during troubled times; where even your family might not be your best source for taking care of such a need.
Forgiving and accepting friends for what they are and what they do – Forgiving is not one does for others benefit but for yourself. When you forgive someone for a transgression or mistake you feel they committed, you bring in more peace on yourself than anything else. Harboring a feeling of anger against unfairness meted out to you can only keep eroding the foundation of a relationship. An understanding that mistakes happen and that another day and time it might be a mistake you commit that could alienate your friend from you is a great reality check. Moreover, what else is friendship but accepting a person for what they are and not for what you want them to be. As long as they remain healthy and enriching friendships, forgive and forget their idiosyncrasies and whims that might at times irritate you!
Taking responsibility for all relationship conflicts that arise with my friends – Being the first to apologize is not a sign of weakness, but a mark of true strength and compassion. If you feel a mistake has happened and even if you have a miniscule part in aggravating it or causing it, then apologize and move on. There is no need for a battle of egos to see who blinks first. Blink first, wink first, life is too short to be spent on petty fights and holding grudges all tHe way to the grave.
Actively supporting friends in their quest for success and advancement – ‘Are they happy in my success and am I unconditionally happy in theirs?’ This question acts as a litmus test to find if someone is a true friend. Being happy for others’ achievements doesn’t diminish your opportunity for success or joy. Rooting for their wins and supporting them in all the way you can is a true mark of friendship. Sometimes, when you come to know of a hike or promotion a friend got it is natural to feel ‘When is success going to embrace me, don’t I deserve it as much as him?’ What needs to be kept in mind is that his success doesn’t have any bearing to your success or efforts. There is space in the world for all of us and it’s never an ‘either or’ condition in life. So full support in the growth and advancement of their careers and life is how you elevate your friendship.
Trusting friends to stand with you – What you sow, so shall you reap! If you stand with people in your life and support them you can expect the same from them. Reciprocity is the foundation stone of any relationship. Trust friends to be with you in good times and bad times and the chances are they would. If you have had a transparent relationship with your friends and they know you well, they would also be able to understand and empathize with your situations. Honest friendships foster trust in each other.
Complete honesty with colleagues and friends at work – This brings us to the next point of honesty in friendship. Mark Twain famously said “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember ”. Imagine the difficulty you would have in your social circle if you lie or hide truth from a few. There are bound to be different versions floating around and when fact check happens some day between some of your friends, you are surely going to come up in bad light. You would lose the trust of people for good. Honesty begets honesty as well. Sometimes the truth might be hard and painful. It is however better to let them swallow the bitter pill right then than allow truth to be a slowly diffusing poison that cripples them over months or years.
Honoring commitments at work and with friends in entirety – Respect is gained by only people who walk the talk. When you give commitments, it is imperative that you honor them, unless it is an exceptional situation where you can’t and where you can convince others about it as well. Deadlines for work, promises for going to dinners or vacations, promotions for achievers in your team, commitments to be a back-up for someone at work are all sacrosanct in nature. There is nothing more off-putting than people who make lofty promises and break them without any qualms. Be the one who others can count on and earn their respect!
Seek help and support from friends and work colleagues and provide them the same – Friends can be your support system as good as family or at times even better. There is no shame or sense of obligation required when providing or seeking help and support from friends. The appropriate feeling would be gratitude at the opportunity to help and be helped. Not every day can be your day. Low days and phases of being unproductive and being riddled with mishaps and failures do happen in life; more often than we like it to. It is the greatest of fortunes to have someone to unburden your woes on occasionally and have a hand of support. The vital thing is not to shy away when it is your turn to provide the same. The relevance of reciprocity and its merits; yet again!
If you are looking for coaching help or mentorship in understanding the purpose of life or taking steps in the direction of finding it, do write to us at harish@harishrao.world and get to know how we can help you with it. We would love to work with you on this or any other business coaching needs you may have!